Lies Your Pregnancy Tracker Is Telling You

If there’s one realization you come to very quickly after you find out you’re expecting, it’s that the first trimester is really freakin’ boring. After the initial excitement of the positive pee stick, telling the people you’re closest with, buying the baby books etc., there’s not a whole hell of a lot to do while you wait for the ultrasounds and the rib kicking and the protruding belly to show up. So what to do? Download a pregnancy tracker app, of course. (Because how else would you be able to effectively compare your growing child to various types of produce?) These trackers are great if you want a notification every single day that, yes, you’re still pregnant, but they’re not always 100% honest. If they were, here’s what I imagine they’d say:

Week 4: CONGRATULATIONS! If you already know you’re expecting, you are going to have one long ass pregnancy. Buckle up, sista; 10 months feels a lot longer when you’re the one who’s doing the human-growing! (Yeah, you heard that right. You’re gonna be pregnant for 10 months.) Cheers! Oh wait, better make yours a seltzer.

Week 6: That pregnancy glow everyone talks about? Yeah, it’s about as rare as a solar eclipse or men turning down sex. They must be referring to the oil slick on your face from time traveling back to age 14. But, if you’re really lucky, your increased cup size will effectively distract people from your aggressive chest acne. You’ll learn to start celebrating the little victories.

….read the rest over at Scary Mommy!

 

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Melissa Mowry

Melissa Mowry is a stay at home mom to 3 year old Chase and the slightly younger guy, Sam. She is the main voice behind One Mother to Another, which she started in July 2014 as a way to connect with other moms who felt just as lonely as she did some days. She is married to her high school sweetheart, Adam, and they live in their home state of Rhode Island. Melissa's work has been featured on the Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Mamalode, Coffee + Crumbs and Mamapedia, among others. Her book, One Mother to Another: This Is Just Between Us is for sale on Amazon.
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